I love gatherings. But most of all I love gatherings that foster a sense of community. Gatherings that promote unity, coming together, and connections. These are hard to come by in modern American life. Sure, there are plenty of things to do and places to go. But intentional community wide celebrations are almost relics of another time. I wonder if the hit show Virgin River (Netflix) is popular precisely because it portrays a such close knit community.

In July of 2021, we stayed in Olafsvik, Iceland. It is a small town with only a few restaurants and accommodations. We arrived for a one night stay and we were fortunate on our arrival date. That evening the town was hosting its celebration night, which only happened once a decade, going back generations. Our host happily told us the whole town would be at the party and since we were in town, we should come too. For one night, we were part of the town of Olafsvik.

We went to the local restaurant and watched as the townsfolk started to assemble. As we walked, we noticed that different parts of town were decorated in different colors. People at the restaurant and on the street had on brightly colored T-shirts. The trickle of people because a river of arrivals. We followed the crowd to a tiny park on a hillside that overlooked the bay.

We figured out that each neighborhood was wearing a different color. Some neighborhoods arrived together in a parade. There was hugging and kissing and lots of Icelandic greetings. As we did not belong to a neighborhood or speak Icelandic, we took a seat to the edge of the park and watched the gathering. There were games where neighborhoods competed with one another. There were songs, sung at full volume. Since all the lyrics were in Icelandic, we have no idea what they meant, but I can tell you that “Oh, Maria” was a very popular chorus.

There was story telling and drinking. But most of all there was a community re-connecting. People had returned to the town after years away in order to re-establish their roots. Long lost friends were reunited. Families came together. The community was whole for one brief moment in time. Well in truth, the party went all night. It was summer and the sun didn’t go down. We left sometime after 1:00 am, but no one seemed close to slowing down. They had waited a decade for the gathering. The bonding was more important than sleep.

When I was a child, there seemed to be lots of opportunities to connect. We went on trail rides and hay rides. A community would organize a gathering in which a meal would be shared at a pre-determined location and everyone would ride on horses or wagons to the destination. Along the way, stories would be told and songs would be sung. Laughter and togetherness were the order of the day. There were church dinners where everyone would bring a dish and stories could be shared over fried chicken and jello salad. The Azalea festival would bring out the whole town with contests, parades, music, crafts and a carnival. But the real draw was the interactions with people.

There are still festivals and community events. I still try to attend as many events as I can, the feeling is different. Perhaps I am the one who has changed and become disconnected. Recently, we attended a community concert and fireworks event at the capitol grounds in Bismarck, North Dakota. It was a lovely event. We had a great time. While I did see some individuals and families connecting, on the whole, it seemed to be a gathering of individuals. Interaction among groups was minimal. People were polite. People enjoyed themselves. But there wasn’t a strong connection, it didn’t feel particularly communal. And yet, we all enjoyed a common experience.

Perhaps connection is a function of the size of the community. Perhaps lack connection is a symptom of societies divisions. Perhaps it is a direct cause. I hope that don’t withdraw into our own homes and social media circles and lose the connections and interactions that make a community. I can shop online. I can go into a store and check myself out with no need to interact. No need to have a human interaction. I can come and go as I please. I no longer even need to leave the house. I can go to church, visit the Doctor, work, and visit a museum all online….if I wanted to live that way. But, I don’t. I crave community.

I understand that humans were made for community. We need to belong, to be seen, and to be heard. We need to know our neighbor and see our family members. As a school administrator, I understood this need and worked hard to make sure that both students and staff knew that they were part of a special community. That they belonged, that they mattered and were seen and heard. They needed to understand that they were part of something larger than themselves. To that end, special celebrations and events were regularly planned. Relationships and shared experiences matter.

In order to break down isolation and divisions, we must all commit to connect. We have to build community one greeting at a time. Some communities have figured this out. You can feel it just by showing up. Olafsvik, Scott’s Bluff, Maplewood, Hilo….places that have left an impression. Humans are pre-disposed to sort and separate themselves, divisions are easy. Connections are harder. Communities must be built. I have challenged myself to be a community builder. I try to talk to teenagers that I see in town, to visit with sales people as I shop, to hear the stories of elders and children. I sign up for volunteer events, schedule lunch with friends, and to attend local gatherings as often as I can. It is easier now that I have retired, but has always been necessary. I wish I had realized my responsibility as a culture carrier and community builder earlier in life.

“To put down roots” is a phrase I’ve heard. It evokes the image of planting a garden. It suggests that life in a community must be tended. The people of Olafsvik understood this principle. Their gathering was magical, not because of food trucks or expensive entertainment. The magic came from the unity, the prioritization of community, and the simple connections. Let us tend our community garden. If necessary, I am willing to stay up all night with you singing, “oh, maria” (your on your own for the Icelandic parts). It will be worth it.