If you’re ever in a jam, here I am
If you’re ever in a mess, S.O.S.
If you ever feel so happy you land in jail, I’m your bail
It’s friendship, friendship
Just a perfect blendship
When other friendships have been forgot
Ours will still be hot. (Noel Coward)

Noel Coward wrote some catchy tunes. You can’t help humming along. This week I’ve done that a lot as I’ve reflected on friendship. Defined as bond of mutual affection and personal regard, friendships are hard to capture in words. The sparks of pleasure that come when you hear from a friend and the blanket of warmth that envelopes you when you spend time with friends are hard to describe. The instant recognition of a kindred spirit and the remembrance of shared experiences are rich gifts.

This past week, my husband and I went to dinner with individuals we worked with thirty years ago. I hadn’t seen some of the individuals in at least that long. It was as if time stood still. Smiles and jokes. Stories of times past and current adventures. I could remember the smell of the chalkboards and the laughter we shared the day that someone had the principal’s very old car towed off the lot as a prank. Once we were home, my husband remarked that it was good for him to sit with friends. He shared that he had needed the connections and the laughter. We all do. Belonging is a basic human need that yearns to be filled.

If you’re ever down a well, ring my bell
And if you’re ever up a tree just phone to me
A-yes-sir-ee
If you ever lose your teeth and you’re out to dine, borrow mine
It’s friendship, friendship
Just a perfect blendship
When other friendships have been forgat,
Gate?
Ours will still be great. (Noel Coward)

Friendships don’t just happen.  They take effort.  That is evident by several text messages in progress, between me and a group of friends who have been trying to arrange a time to meet for several weeks.  We can’t seem to find a place and a time that works for everyone.  Even through the texts I can see the various personalities at play. It would be so easy to just give up.  But the bonds that tie, become weak without attention.  Busy with life, people neglect connections with family and friends.  Isolation creeps up on you, if you let it.

Isolation can also occur in a crowd of people, without friends around. This past week, I went to a fundraising event. As I walked into the room alone, I took a deep breath. As an introvert, I am not good at small talk. I scanned the room. A smile crept on my face as I realized that several people that I knew from other times and walks of life were at the party. Hugs and smiles were exchanged. Funny stories were shared and just like that I was meeting new friends who were drawn to our laughter.

If they ever black your eyes, put me wise
If they ever cook your goose, turn me loose
And if they ever put a bullet through your brain, I’ll complain
It’s friendship, friendship
Just a perfect blendship
When other friendships have been forgit
Ours will still be it. (Noel Coward)

This week, I have also been arranging a dinner meet up with my best friend from high school. She has recently retired, as have I. In some twist of fate, while she was texting me about when and where we should have dinner, she ran into my mother who was out to lunch with her old high school friends. The circle of friendship continues. Women lunching and laughing, giving each other strength, telling stories. Bonds that were formed decades ago during sleep overs and school dances continue. Hugs and happiness prevail.

If you ever lose your mind, I’ll be kind
And if you ever lose your shirt, I’ll be hurt
If you’re ever in a mill and get sawed in half, I won’t laugh
It’s friendship, friendship
Just a perfect blendship
When other friendships are up the crick
Ours will still be slick. (Noel Coward)

Mid-week, I went on an adventure with two friends. I admire and adore these women. Their work ethic and tenacity are unrivaled. Their joy and love of life is self-evident despite hardships. We met through work and we were forged together through trials and common goals. We make a jolly threesome of strong women with a sense of adventure. I’m not sure how it started really, but we decided that we would read a book together periodically and then take a themed trip to celebrate. The best ideas have dubious origins.

Our first book adventure was to read a murder mystery and then see “Clue” the stage play. We had a fabulous time over the weekend playing “Clue” the board game and exploring a new town. This week, we visited the Churchill Museum in Fulton Missouri. Our book choice was The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson, a wonderful memoir of Churchill and the Battle of Britain. Picture three mostly retired women, traipsing through a museum for hours, trading Churchill quotes and taking pictures with the fake cigars. We ate pizza and talked about our children. After a slight mishap where we drove off without one of us being all the way in the car (don’t worry, no one was injured) and a drive down dirt roads with railroad crossings, we found our lovely cabin in the woods. After a Churchill inspired picnic and WW II trivia and lots of giggles, there was a peaceful silence. You can do that among friends. The silliest ideas are often the most fun.

When it is time to return home, I know that my best friend will be waiting with affection. I am the most fortunate of women. My husband teases me about leaving him, but also knows that I will always return willingly. As he will for me. Our regard for each other is genuine and cultivated. In fact, we are looking forward to spending the day together. I’m not sure what we will be doing, but it doesn’t really matter. I am unconditionally accepted and free to be fully me. I hope I am all that for him. Friendship. Kinship. When other friends have long been gone….ours will still be strong. (RM)