I was resting in my hotel room and I ran across an obscure program hosted by a singer that I remembered from the 1980’s. The conversation was about women and how easy it is for them to feel invisible in the second half of their life. Transitions such as children growing up, retirement, divorce, widowhood all leave women feeling as if their purpose is behind them. With the media encouraging an endless chasing of youth, women often feel pressure to defy nature and feel loss when they no longer look thirty.

I listened half heartedly at first, but found myself drawn into the conversation. Who do I want to be in this second half of my life? What are my dreams and goals? Do I realize that I am perfectly loved just the way I am? Do I fully appreciate the wisdom and power that come with age.

Our society, unfortunately, is hyper focused on youth. Sometimes I am frustrated when my teenage waiter wants to take my phone and find the menu for me. I want to scream that I have been using a cell phone longer than they have been alive and that I just a want a menu I can scan quickly without having to flip and enlarge tiny screens only to find out that the dessert menu is not on the QR code menu anyway…. but I digress.

Who do I want to be in my second half? I have lived my life in service to others. Schools were a place where I could give back to society, where I found community, and where I could do my part to ensure the common good. I find no value in watching the news or social media and getting upset that people seemingly do not understand the concept of common good. I don’t find other people the enemy and I refuse to live my life in fear. The only way I know to change the world is to love the world and serve others. So now, I have to dig deep and figure out what that means for me in this season of my life.

It is a daunting thought. I have had a steady avenue of goals and an endless stream of service opportunities since I was a child. I’ve never really gone looking for “things to do” in order to serve, they have just been lined up. In actuality, I have lots of things that need to be done right now, several with a wonderful non-profit that I work for part time. But, I need to center myself and remember my commitment to the common good. It turns out that I am not at all good at living my life with no other purpose than “what do I think will make me happy” today. I am much better with “what good can I accomplish” today.

To use the sports analogy of the program that started this train of thought, in the first half I was a starter. I was in the thick of the action, called a number of the plays, and did some good. Half-time is a time to rest, to regroup, to rethink. If I am honest, I am unsure what needs to happen in the second half. It is as if I am now playing an entirely different game. I don’t know what needs I can meet or how I can continue to serve in a meaningful way. That is a little scary. My 32 year career in education has ended. I have started a new venture with a non-profit that supports character development. My children are grown and my husband and I have the freedom to choose how we spend our days. I have faith that if I am aware and diligent about noticing, avenues of service will continue to open. The second half will not be like the first. It may not have a road map, but it will be an adventure. I may not be sure how, but I will continue to serve the common good as long as I have breath. It is my purpose.