After a very long day, I came out to the yard to sit in my hammock. It has been an exhausting day. I sat down and kicked back into the recesses of the netted hammock that is usually a great comfort. Seconds later as I was slamming derrière first into the asphalt, I realized that the rope that was holding me off the ground broke. Once I checked to make sure I didn’t have any wounds other then my pride, I inspected the ropes and noticed that one had weakened and frayed until it no longer was able to bear my weight.

Something that had served me well on all prior occasions didn’t hold. It was jarring. This is ironic, because I had retreated to the hammock to review my day.

This week I gave six different presentations in a variety of school settings. One of the presentations was wildly successful. The participants were eager and interested. They expressed sincere appreciation and made me feel that I had added real value to their day.

The majority of the trainings were functional. People were attentive and engaged and polite. I left thinking that I had left behind important ideas that could be of use, but honestly, teachers are distracted the few days before school starts. They are thinking of lessons and classroom set up. I get it.

Today, however, one session did not go as planned. The room was very large and not set up for the type of session I hand planned to run. The individuals didn’t have context for why I was there. My tech tools malfunctioned. I was cold and dropped the remote device that forwarded my presentation slides, not once but twice. I got distracted and didn’t make the transitions I had planned because the sound and videos did not work with the equipment in the room. People were polite, but also checked out. I was unable to use the handouts I brought. In short, nothing went as anticipated.

I had planned diligently for all of the presentations. I had lead many of the identical sessions on other days with great success. Today, my metaphorical rope broke and I felt myself falling in front of hundreds of people. I was delivering important ideas about how to provide essential supports for kids and yet it was unraveling. My rope broke.

It wasn’t the worst training experience (at least for me), but it certainly wasn’t my best. And I demand my best. I want to deliver my best. I could feel the rope slipping away as I read the audience. I had gathered the information about what was needed and delivered what was requested. But my anchoring connection was not strong enough. The context wasn’t right. The rope didn’t hold.

So what do I do in this moment? I guess I have to find stronger rope. I will have to figure out a better connection and anchor more tightly. I will need to mend the severed threads so that I can once again relax without fear of falling. I can appreciate what has served me well, but I will also get some new rope. Or maybe this time a chain ….maybe a chain would be stronger…..did I mention that I don’t like falling.

(If you hate metaphors, I apologize for this entire post. I may still be in shock from being dropped back to the earth literally….and metaphorically 😉)