I am a contrary traveler. I don’t mean to be, but I almost never enjoy the “it” places. I read the guidebooks and just to say we have been there, we dutifully go, to the “must see” places and I am almost always disappointed. I don’t like crowds. I don’t like the so called “ugly” tourists who have no appreciation for the people or the culture they are visiting. I don’t enjoy witnessing tourists who complain about everything because it is not what they are used to. Lake Como was the “it” place that really wasn’t…at least for me.

We arrived in town and were lucky enough to snag one of the last spots in the central parking garage. This was a blessing because the Main Street was flooded and traffic was congested. After parking, we tried to visit the waterfront, but most of the park had construction barriers and was blocked off. We finally found a path through to the lake. The water was high and flooding the sidewalks. Unlike the rest of our experience in the Northern lakes region, there was a lot of trash…everywhere. Plastic floated in the lake. Rubbish was piled on the sidewalks. Debris clogged the piers. People jammed the walkways. We kept moving to avoid being run over by bicycles and/or baby carriages.

The promenade of villas was lovely. However, everyone else thought so too. I was clipped by a cyclist who thought one ring of their bell would help me figure out how an object moving at 15 miles an hour on a crowded sidewalk would manifest behind me. No warning just a ding as it ran into my shoulder.

We made it to the Villa Olna which ….was closed for construction. No matter, the view was lovely. We decided to find a cafe, use the toilette and have a cappuccino. Except the lone cafe did not have a public restroom, nor did the next, or the next, or the next.

Twenty minutes later, we made it back to the Volta museum. We weren’t planning to visit, but since the bathroom was only for paying customers….we became paying customers. It seems in Como, even basic human needs come with a price. The welcoming attendant wanted to give us an overview of the museum, but I really only wanted direction to the basement toilette area. She was disappointed. I was relieved.

The Volta museum had an interesting collection of the scientific equipment that led Alexander Volta to invent the battery. I recognized some of the experiments from my science classes. (In another life, I would have been quite content to be a chemist.) The museum was small, so we quickly made our round of encased copper wire, frog legs, and electric conductors.

The next order of business was lunch. For some, lunch in Como was an opportunity to see and be seen. For us, it was just another opportunity to eat. We walked by fancy tables with fancy prices and found a quiet outdoor table with simple pasta. No one would see me behind the shrubbery….but then I didn’t have to see the hundreds of wannabe models pursing their lips, crossing their feet and posing their elbow in the street. The number of influencer wannabes in the center of Como was exhausting and distracting. A few such individuals in a day is hilarious. Hundreds of them are maddening.

At lunch we chatted with a German couple, who were very upset that the restaurant did not provide menus. We also are not a fan of the order by QR code (it makes it alot harder to search and translate). But when wife yelled at the wait staff, I had to put her in the ugly tourist category. A British couple, sat down and chatted with us. They took a ferry boat to Como because they thought it would a fun excursion for lunch. When they arrived they had to immediately stand in line for a return ticket. It took one and a half hours to get said ticket. They were unable to get the two o’clock return and had to take a 6:30 pm boat. Welcome to “itville”. We wished them luck finding a way to stay sane in the crush of Como tourism.

Despite the odds, I found solace in the cathedral. The grand beauty and the quiet reverence was just what I needed. The high vaulted ceilings seemed to dwarf the large altarpieces. Tapestry hung from the ceilings. Carved lecterns and statuary clamored for attention. While there was a steady stream of visitors, apparently most of the Como crowd preferred to try to look beautiful (taking selfies in the street) instead of seeking beauty indoors….thankfully the crowds remained outside.

As a nice surprise, musicians played just outside the cathedral. We stopped to listen before we made our way to the funicular. Street musicians make everything a little more tolerable. We needed the pick me up.

After a 15 minute walk that took us along the fringes of the flood water, we reached the ticket booth for the funicular. Hundreds of people were in line. We turned around. The only thing worse than standing in line for an hour is being herded into an overcrowded tin can for an uncomfortable ride up a mountain to stand in line for at least another hour to be herded into an overcrowded carriage for a ride back down the mountain. We declined.

Instead, we fought our way back through the crowds. We pieced together a semi dry path through flood water. We dodged construction fences and eventually found our car. After navigating the exit road… I waved goodbye to Como. Been there, done that. Unfortunately, I couldn’t recommend it. Not my people, not my place.

Of course, when I tell you that I spent an hour happily cruising an Italian Superstore (think giant grocery store) later that day, you may be skeptical about taking my travel advice. But I will say this, I got some amazing bread for 1 euro. I found multiple varieties of Moscato d’Asti for around 3 euro each. I figured out that if you wait in the check out line, you may be in an aisle that entitles the elderly, handicapped, and pregnant to step in front of you. And more importantly, they will step in front of you in much the same way cars and bicycles pass you on the roadway. Rapidly, aggressively, and with hand gestures. No matter that I am holding a loaf of bread and two bottles and they have carts laden with a week’s grocery, I am after all just a visitor in their lane. And there is no where I would rather be. Mangia bene!