I am up early this morning. Another Christmas when I can’t sleep. Waiting in the glow of Christmas tree lights, I give thanks for the family sleeping under my roof this morning.

Another Christmas Eve is in the books. Everyone gathered and all the cars in the driveway, I finally relax. My version is to putter endlessly in the kitchen. This year, I made turkey with all the trimmings and a fluffy toffee cake iced in freshly whipped cream.

Before dinner, we headed to Christmas Eve service. Another Christmas whereI am eager to celebrate the birth of Jesus. I love tradition and singing carols to celebrate and spread more joy. This year, the service was dark, slow, and detached. Or maybe that was just me…longing for more joy to the world and less existential anxiety that seems to creep into every modern service. I remember years of bright lights and singing children. This year the monotonous background music, the strange animation and the darkness of the room made the overall effect most melancholy. The speaker talked about hope in a way that did not feel hopeful. Just before I fell asleep in the church (embarrassingly), we were back in the car and headed home.

At home, I filled the house with light and joyful music. Another Christmas Eve with family and fun. My mother in law was here, in a jaunty snowflake cap. Cancer may have claimed her hair, but not her Christmas spirit. Unfortunately, my parents couldn’t make it this year. My Dad is resting after his cancer treatment. He has to be ready for the big show later today when we all descend on their house. Another Christmas where health concerns linger.

Another Christmas Day. Another Christmas to make memories. I contemplate years past as I wait for everyone to wake. Anxious for it to start, yet not wanting it to end. It is the same each year….and in the waiting I encounter the meaning of Christmas. The world waits in anticipation of joy and laughter and belonging. We celebrate God’s gift and we eagerly await reunion. We are happy, sad, excited, underwhelmed, overwhelmed, tired, and energized. We are alive.

Another Christmas …. Another blessing…