It has been a hard ten days. The turmoil in this country, the barrage of executive orders, the anger and accusation is exhausting. To be clear, I reject bigotry of all forms. I am saddened by the targeted attacks on public servants and the incivility on display by government officials. Most of all, I am disturbed by the absence of empathy.

I have spent my whole life as an educator. I taught government and history. Later on, in addition to overseeing curriculum for social sciences I also led school climate and character education initiatives, ensuring that school spaces were the very best environments to teach and learn. I have volunteered with a variety of organizations to help lift up humans in need.

So to say the current climate in America is disturbing to me is an understatement. Instead of wallowing in despair or engaging in unproductive arguments, I have decided to do what I have always done. Teach. Volunteer. Mr. Rogers told us “In times of trouble, look to the helpers”. I have come to realize that we must be the helpers. It is our time. Therefore, I will try to take a relevant topic and make it more accessible in a non-partisan , non-sectarian way.

Having said that, in the spirit of transparency you should know that politically I am a centrist and have been a registered member of both the republican and democratic parties at various times in my life. I have never been a single issue voter and I am not a loyalist to a party or individual. I take policy issues on their merit and compare them to deeply help American core values as embodied in the constitution. You should also know that I am a Christian who strives to follow the ethic of care modeled by Jesus. Therefore, a central concern for me is always the greater common good over narrow self interest. Perhaps that is why I find this particular time in our history so incredibly confusing. As an act of sanity, let’s reason and learn together. I want to start with the subject of empathy, which is noticeably lacking in our national discourse.

Empathy is commonly defined as being able to feel with someone; to be aware of and sensitive to their experiences and feelings. Empathy is an essential skill in forming and maintaining relationships. It helps build understanding and trust. Empathy starts with conceptually walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. This taking on the perspective of others and considering alternative interpretations of events and action can help us humanize each other, improve understanding, and take action for mutual benefit.

• Cognitive empathy. Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand how someone else feels and to work out what they might be thinking.
• Emotional empathy or Affective empathy. Emotional empathy refers to the ability to share another person’s emotions. This would mean when you see someone else who is sad, it makes you feel sad.
• Compassionate empathy or Empathic Concern. Compassionate empathy is when you take feelings to actions. It goes beyond understanding and relating to other people’s situations, and pushed an individual to do something.

All humans are capable of empathy, and a person’s capacity for empathy can increase or decrease based on habits. As children, stories help us consider the emotions and needs of the characters and become more aware of the expansive human condition. Likewise, listening to others perspectives and seeking to understand a point of view other than your own can lead to greater empathy. Spending time in unfamiliar communities or with people outside your circle can also improve your empathy.

Empathy is an emotion that helps us experience other people as fully human with thoughts, feelings and needs that may be different than our own. Being empathetic does not negate our own needs, but rather puts us in a common space where we can promote and protect the rights and needs for all.

When individuals lack empathy, (apathy) they may not realize that their actions can affect others. Worse, they may understand that their behavior impacts other people, but they may not feel remorseful about it. When individuals are apathetic they may act in selfish or vindictive ways without realizing or caring if that hurts others.

At the Nuremberg trials a psychologist said that “evil is the absence of empathy.”In 2016, former President George W. Bush said, “At our best, we practice empathy, imagining ourselves in the lives and circumstances of others. This is the bridge across our nation’s deepest divisions.” A few years later former President Barack Obama said, “The biggest deficit that we have in our society and in the world right now is an empathy deficit. We are in great need of people being able to stand in somebody else’s shoes and see the world through their eyes.”

They were not wrong. Today, we live in a deeply divided country where lack of empathy is on full display daily. The harm caused by the failure of individuals and our elected officials to see each other, to feel the fear and hope and need of the diverse communities of Americans, and to seek common good for all is evident. The question now is, do we have the courage to be empathetic? Do we have the fortitude as “we the people” to demand the common good for all people? Or, will we continue to silo in our echo chambers of social media and continue to ignore our fellow citizens?

Abandoning empathy has catastrophic results for a country. History tells us that when groups pursue extreme self interests and lose sight of the common good hunger, ignorance, poor health outcomes, income inequality, loss of liberty, genocide often follow ….the list goes on and on and quite frankly causes me anxiety as I think about it. Apathy tells us that “they” are not like me, therefore I don’t have to think about them. “They” are not like me so they don’t deserve my consideration. “They” are not like me so we will take what we can for ourselves. There is not enough to go around so I will make sure that I am on top and “they” will just have to deal with it. This, unchecked, sounds like America first, the rest of the world doesn’t count. America is only for “us” (insert your group of choice here)therefore our views are the only ones that really matter.

Lack of empathy also has a profound effect on individuals. It leads to miscommunication and misunderstanding as there is no attempt to understand perspective of others. In its worst form it exaggerates perspectives in order to belittle or discredit. It damages relationships as the lack of understanding makes it hard to connect. It is exhausting and demoralizing to be in distress and feel like no one cares or to have an important perspective but no voice. Especially is you are mocked, targeted, and belittled. (This crosses apathy and enters the territory of the bully or tyrant).

So what are we to do in the face of this empathy gap? Individuals should read widely and seek human connection. This does not mean to subject yourself to ridicule, targeted communication or incivility. Social media may not be the place to engage. As an example only: This week in light of the acceleration of immigration action, I have watched several videos of migrant workers to understand their stories and to understand their work contributions on a human level. I have looked at statistics for American immigration including crime statistics. I have familiarized myself with legal rights. I read the official policy statements of government officials. I have looked historically at ways Americans have gotten it right (usually bi-partisan) and the many ways we got it wrong in order to speak against past mistakes. I have talked with schools with high immigrant populations to listen and support leaders under a high amount of stress trying to do right by families. I read op Ed pieces from states that had been overwhelmed by immigrant populations that they felt ill-equipped to deal with. I also endured a ridiculous amount of propaganda and bigoted speech trying to get to facts and understanding of perspectives. It is not an easy exercise trying to cultivate an empathetic and reasoned response instead of an emotional reaction. We need better solutions. Immigration has long been a complex problem. Solutions are never easy. Democracy is always messy, but we must start from a place of empathy. And Americans have to work together along with the people who are most impacted to find systemic, humane solutions.

Politics is always the a combination of power and choice. The wise government seeks to hear many voices in order to understand how choices affect individuals. A good government seeks to use power to make choices that advance the greatest good. A just government acts with compassion to protect minority rights even as the majority rules.

Empathy matters. It is up to the people not only to speak, but to actively listen to one another. As an act of citizenship, find another citizen and spend time really listening to their needs (not their opinions about the “other”, but really listen to their hopes, their values, their experience). You may be surprised and you will be strengthening connection through empathy. You will also be strengthening the building blocks that ensure the common good.