Our first day on the road in our new rv has come to an end, and I should be excited. But, it has been a stressful day as we were getting used to driving our “big rig”. We have lots of little issues that have cropped up in the rv (hopeful all minor and under warranty). There are a lot of parts to test out in a house on wheels. I understand this is normal, but I really don’t have the mental energy to deal with them tonight. I also am not feeling well.

So I try to enjoy the setting sun and make the best of it. We find a fun restaurant (the Main Street tavern) where I order a lovely plate of fish and chips. They are quite tasty, but I don’t have much of an appetite.

Full disclosure, I have high functioning anxiety. Normally I am simply a bundle of energy and manage it with a smile. Tonight I am depleted. So after my husband finishes his food, we don’t linger.

I ask to drive by the Will Rogers museum. I was there as a small child with my parents and grandparents. It is closed, but we are able to park and walk to the gravesite. I am overwhelmed with the memory of being here before. It looks the same, but weirdly smaller. Why are all things are somehow bigger in a child’s memory? As I reminisce, I can feel the love of my family and almost hear my grandparents’ laughter.

It has rained and the air is fresh and clean. This is the right place to be at the end of a long day. I take deep breathes to reset my nervous system and remind myself that I am a prisoner of hope. The feelings of anxiety are just surges of cortisol and adrenaline. I am more. I am loved. I am blessed. Besides, my handsome husband is waiting just down the sidewalk for me. I am content, despite my jagged nervous system.

Back at the rv, the birds are singing. We take a walk. Everything is working properly inside the rig. Through the kindness of strangers and the grace of God our minor first day mishaps are behind us. We find our recliners and log on to Netflix. I love our life of adventure…..even if new things are sometimes overwhelming.

Sometimes friends comment they could never travel because they would be too afraid. I hope they read this post. I think it is important to acknowledge that we all feel overwhelmed sometimes. We all can be uncomfortable when we are pushed outside our comfort zone. Occasionally we don’t feel well and we are irritable without knowing why. And sometimes our body responds in powerful ways to imagery threats.

Travel days are almost always anxiety inducing for me. I know that I will have reactions that increase in intensity based on the level of novelty and perceived control. Environments that are extremely new and different and/or environments where I feel like I don’t know what to do or have no ability to affect the outcome are sure fire anxiety time bombs. I refuse to be crippled by it. Don’t let that stop you either. Life is too short. Feel all the feels….and then get out there and live your dreams. I can assure, it is worth it.