Earlier in the week I was on the flight from hell. Today, I am determined to have a great travel day. Despite the flight to California on Monday, my work week has gone well. I had a good hotel, good food, good training sessions, and the clients are happy. It is time to go home.

I drop the rental car with no issues. Security is a breeze. I find a quiet corner and knock out some emails, calls and even a zoom meeting. I celebrate with a toasted bagel and a cappuccino. Boarding is uneventful. Things are definitely looking up compared to the inbound flight experience.

I settle into my seat. The plane WiFi connects on the first try. It is my day! I search the movie options available. There is a newish Western available that I haven’t seen. I love westerns. It isn’t the best storyline but I am entertained until we land in Las Vegas. A bearded Pierce Brosnan with a full Irish accent makes up for the plot defects.

I stay on board with three other people as the people stopping in Vegas deplane. This plane is headed to my final destination, I can stay in my seat. The crew leaves for a shift change and tells us to feel free to walk and stretch. I decide that a stretch would be nice. The maintenance guy walks back and forth down the aisle and I move over each time to let him pass. It becomes just silly after about a dozen times of stepping in and out of the aisle, and so I head back to my seat. I need to let the man work. He has duct tape. It must be serious.

Eventually, the next load of passengers begin arriving. There are a lot of small children in tow. Is Vegas a new family destination? For some reason, a fair amount of the kids are in costumes. I watch Spider-Man and Mickey Mouse bounce down the aisle with smiles as big and bright as the sun. I find myself smiling along. It is hard to not get caught up in toddler giggles. Flying is clearly a grand adventure.

I am smiling along and wishing I still loved the airline experience, when an aggressive round woman stops in front of me and puts her finger in my face. I take out my earplug and ask if she needs in my row. She replies that I am in her seat and that I need to get up. I said, I am sorry but I am sure this my seat. She again aggressively claimed the seat and demanded I vacate.

At this point I calmly call up my boarding pass. I have been in the seat since California, I am sure it is assigned to me. I am just going to show her my boarding pass. As I am searching she says loudly, “okay, we have a problem!”, and begins to throw down her bags. Just as I am trying to decide if I need to stand up and escalate the encounter, a flight attendant approaches and escorts the woman to her seat, across the aisle.

Everyone now knows she is actually in seat d, not seat c where I am sitting. She sheepishly looks at the attendant and says “I was just following the numbers.” The guy behind me mutters, “next you should work on your alphabet.”

I am trying not to laugh out loud because, some things are just funny. I think this guy and I share the same sense of humor/sarcasm. I don’t think she heard him, as she is preoccupied. She can’t get her bag under her seat because she can’t bend over. The seat belt isn’t long enough to buckle. It is clearly not her day. Bless her heart.

As I am just settling back into my seat and reinserting my earplugs, when an older man puts his finger in my face. I take out my earplugs. He is saying “Let’s see what we can work out here.” Thinking I missed something, I ask if he is in the center seat in my row. He said, “I want to sit by my wife” and pointed to me. I look at the girl by the window who is a teenager. Neither of us are his wife. Is he confused?

He points to the man behind me. “What can we work out so that I can sit by my wife.” An older woman seated in the row behind me looks embarrassed. Ah, they both have middle seats. The my funny friend behind me and I both have aisle seats. I guess Mr. Insistent didn’t want to pay to select a seat.

Before I can respond, the man behind me says “unless you have an aisle seat to exchange with one of us I suggest you sit down. The lady in front of me has been harassed enough for one day and I am not moving.”

The older man swallows hard and gestures for me to let him sit in his assigned seat. He promptly begins the man spread routine and is being overly dramatic. I am determined to ignore the guy’s elbows claiming the single arm rests on either side of him and his big feet claiming half of my leg space. He is clearly annoyed that someone didn’t willingly give up an aisle seat. As if anyone would be happy to claim a middle seat on a three and a half hour flight when they paid for an aisle. I guess hope springs eternal.

He eventually settles down and tucks his arms and legs back into more acceptable space. He has enough papers spread out to wall paper a small room. I can’t help but notice he appears to be writing a sermon. There are scripture quotes and jokes in the jumbled stack. A paper falls into my lap. It is a checklist that says “what to do when someone dies.” Now I have questions. I return the wayward checklist to its owner. Bizarre sermon? Inappropriate funeral speech.

It doesn’t matter. Today, I am shutting out other people’s crazy. I am going to eat my pretzels and return to in flight entertainment options. Maybe there is another western or perhaps a comedy. I could use something to make me laugh. However, I am pretty sure that I won’t be able to find anything half as entertaining as the people sitting next to me on this flight.